The children I should have had according to

I signed up for email updates when I was pregnant with with my son. It tracked each week for me and I got excited as the baby developed. After he was born, I received emails about the stages of development and what not. Kinda cool, not really useful. Stopped paying attention.  Until today.
I apparently have never unsubscribed and what I find very interesting is that they have been …emailing me lately about the first trimester of not my second, no not third, but my fourth “you’ve got to be kidding me” pregnancy.
I don’t even know where to begin with that one. I have so many questions. How are they calculating this?  If I keep this email subscribed, how many more imaginary children will I have at the end of my good birthing years?  Do they assume that all I do every 9 months is produce small people?
This is the only fact I gave them when I signed up to calculate and track the gestation: Got pregnant March, 2008 with my husband of two years in the city of Austin, TX. dec/08  (my only child)! had the data. They set a course and proceeded to enact the following reproduction plans into effect: with a few months off as a break from just having a baby, decided that March 2009 I would get pregnant with my second and 40 weeks later…
Baby #2- born in Jan/2010!!
This time I have a toddler and an infant so the algorithm predicts possibly some tension at home and sends emails about stress reduction. Maybe a few meltdowns with the husband when grandparents come to help with the laundry. I lose my hair during the spring of 2010 and when it grows back in the summer, we take a vacation to the cabin. We relax. Toddler splashing in the water. Baby sleeping like a rock through the night. All sanity seems restored. I begin to enjoy wine again…..
July/2011 baby#3!!!
Our family is so big now.  We upgrade to a minivan, sell the condo and buy a house with a field for mommy to run to the far corners and scream. I have 3 year old boy,  a two year old (lets say girl) and a little quarterback in training (why not? football is big in Texas). Life is happening. Its happening and thanks to,  I’m getting emails encouraging me to join the forums of mom groups so we can support each other while we raise large families. Yeah, like I have time for that, baby “Romo”  and I both pass out with a bottle every night.
So here I am, again, three months pregnant with my fourth child!!!!  I’m on the wagon and hired a house cleaner. The oldest is in school now but the others stay home with me. We color and they wear earmuffs and set the timer for my short breaks at the end of the backyard, where I scream my favorite metal songs. The kids think I am a great singer.
Life is so predictable! There really is a lot you can accomplish in just a few short years.  Take it from me, I would know, I got the email.

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